My latest mind numbing game obsession since Mah Jong.

BRAD JUST CALLED ME!!

Goli is doing GREAT!!
He is at full wag!!

Thats the alert level for him.
Low wag is bad.
Mid wag is better.
Full/high wag.....HOORAY!!!

He is eating, chewing on his bone, talking up a storm to me on the phone, excited, alert and very happy. Even his bark sounded happy in a frisky way!!

His eyes arent weeping anymore, his foot isnt swollen.
He seems like he feels totally back to normal.

So we just have to continue the shots every 3 weeks.
But this looks good, this is gonna work out!!

THANKS GUYS!!!
XOXOXOXO

*Im even happy crying alittle now...*

Website Weds

Torgdor - Dragon game
Kung Fu Trainer
Difficult Asian games
Chainsaw massacre
Speak & Spell

Brad and I are doing better.
I think we both got it out of our systems and cried all day yesterday.
So by last night we were exhausted.
We went to Chipotle's on the way home.
Hardly talked about Goliath, and both were just kinda down and tired.
We both were thinking about him.
We sat in the office at home, and played online games and then went to bed.

We missed Goli this morning when we got out of bed.
Wasn't following us around like he does.

But like people said, "Don't listen to the vet, you never know how it will go."
Maybe the shots will help a lot and he will be around for a few more years.
And I certainly dont want to be crying everyday for 3 years like this is his last day here! :)

We will be able to tell from being with him how he is.

We are back to our normal selves today, making jokes and stuff.
But with a little more affection towards each other than usual.

Been crying on and off all day.
My dog is leaving a lot sooner than I thought.
The dr called Brad today and said the biopsy from his liver came back.
More cancer.
Said he has 6 months to 1 year to live as long as we give him treatment shots every 2 to 3 weeks.
It willl slow the cancer down, and shrink it a little.
We just brought Goli back in the vet this morning to check his mouth.
He yelps in pain when having to chew anything, hasn't given us kisses like he usually does either.
He didnt eat the first couple of days after the first surgery.
Then Brad added boiled hot water to his food to soften it up and he scarfed it down.
But even then a couple times he would yelp in pain while eating and run away.
Then act scared of his food bowl, as if it were evil and out to get him.
I tried putting his food on a paper plate.
He didn't like that either.
So we have been hand feeding him his breakfast and dinner, as well as his 3 pills every morning and night.
We just scooped the soggy slimy food in our hands and he will eat and lick it up.
Sometimes out of no where he yelps in pain. I dont know why.
Maybe he forgot about his surgery and moved too fast?
So we took him to the vet this morning, to check his mouth in case maybe he had a cut or something wrong inside his mouth.
We tried to look, but we couldnt even slightly open his mouth without him screaming in pain and acting scared. So we stopped.

Brad called me this afternoon,
it rang once,
and he hung up before I answered.

I called him back.
He was whispering in the phone.
I couldnt understand what he was saying.
Something about liver and cancer.
Still wasnt sure.
Then he was able to speak up and I realized..
he was crying thats why he couldnt talk!

OMG!! ITS GOLI HE IS TALKING ABOUT!!

This came as such a shock.
I didnt see this coming at all.
He was supposed to be like me.
Have cancer..get it cut out...heal...be better.
The dr said the pain in his mouth might be more cancerous lymph nodes bothering him, he wasn't sure.
He recommended a few options to help Goli.
One was going in and cutting out more every couple of months.
Dont want to do that to him. He is still healing, and upset for this.
The other one was shots, chemo I think, every 2 - 3 weeks.
To slow it down and shrink it.
They are keeping him until Thursday. To monitor him since they did the first shot today. They said they first time is the hardest on him, since it has a lot to flush out, and also monitor his reactions to it.
So he is hooked up to an IV again...just after we finally got his paw shrunk down from it.

I was hoping to go home tonight and hug and kiss on the bed all of us together. and cry. But not until Thursday.
The dr said the shots will make him feel a lot better right away.
If Goli is still in pain and not doing well, then we will decide to put him down.
Brad was crying so hard he couldnt call the dr back earlier to tell them to go ahead with the shots, he had to email someone that sat 10 feet away from him to do it for him.
I have sat quiet at my desk crying all day.
After Brad's first call, I grabbed a bunch of tissues and went and hid in the server room in the corner behind a bunch of racks to cry. Its really noisy in there, so if anyone was in there they wouldnt hear me.

I didn't tell Navin. I want to keep it to myself, and not really loose it...publicly.
I didn't want to talk about it.
My mom called a couple of times.
I didnt answer.
I didnt want to talk about it at work and just cry more.
Thank god for caller ID at work!
When I went to the bathroom, I just sat on the toilet and cried.

I at least have some more time with my dog. But not enough.
I am gonna miss him so much.
Him following me around the house.
I can feel his whiskers on the back of my legs as I move around.
He is our sleeping buddy.
Brad wakes up every morning opens the sheets and Goli jumps in and Brad spoons him, and they go back to sleep that way.
He greets us with his squeaky toys when we come home happy to see us.
His sweet kisses.
Always wanting to drink my bath water.
He goes into the shower when you are done, not even giving you time to step out cause he likes to lick the water left over.
He howls when the phone rings. A deep soulful howl, like Johnny Cash.
His ears pressed back when he is happy.
His occasional morning pukes.

Not having him in my house is gonna kill me.

I wanna buy him soft wet dog food, and more snacks, I wanna buy him his own blanket to curl up with. I just wanna make him happy. He has given me and Brad so much happiness.
Im mad my dog is gonna die. I dont know even who Im mad at. But I am.
I need more tissues.
I love him so much...he is such a great dog.

IV paw


IV paw & neck stitches


Close up of neck


What he looks like when I lay down on the floor and look up at him

I had some people over yesterday.
A friend of mine, Bob, came over to show his re-sliced and edited version of Dune. Combining both original Dunes together. I thought I'd have trouble keeping the characters in my mind. But it was no problem.
It was long (6 hours of Dune), but I did enjoy it.
I feel like I understand it better seeing it all again.

It's also been a long while since I had a group over and got to play hostess.
We lit candles and lantern all over the house, had a fire in the fireplace.
We made tabouli, small cucumber sandwiches, fresh iced tea, eclair cake, and cheese and crackers.
Some of the people brought food too, that was really nice. Bob brought hummus and pita bread. And another couple brought a box of Cinabons and some really good cheeses.
I never met any of these people before, and didnt even know any of them other then Bob. Everybody was really nice. I really enjoyed it.

Brad didnt make it all the way through. He stuck with it longer than I would have expected though and was also a great host and help. He brought down extra chairs and stuff like that. Around 9 he went upstairs. At 10 I went up for a break myself and to bring my laundry basket up. He was passed out, lights on, CNN blasting. :)

Goli got LOADS of attention, and lots of "awww...poor dog" and played the part extremely well.
He is starting to feel a little better. At one point last night he jumped up on the sofa next to me. He curled up in between me and another girl. So I got the blanket and covered my legs and covered him with the other half.

Laying around watching CNN today and surfing for war news online.

Goli update:

We just picked up the dog from the vet.
He is a cone head.
He was happy and seemed good when we picked him up.
But now that are home, he is tired.
Limping a little.
Still waging his tail, just not as heartily and it wags low instead of high.
We took the cone off (while we can keep our eyes on him) since its easier for him to lay down without it.
His front right foot is shaved, from the IV.
The front right part of his neck is shaved with X's criss-crossing their way up.
He also got slit up his abdomen to check his liver since it looked "funny", but doesnt seem to be anything wrong with it.
We are limiting his water intake a little.
Its tough for him to sit, lay down and do the stairs.
But once he laid down, he passed out.
They will take out the stitches in 2 weeks.
Gave us some antibiotics for him.

We will take pictures of his scar later to post.

HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOY!!

Worrying about my dog and war, I decided to self medicate with some humor.

Robert Tilton: The Farting Evangelist

Yes....bathroom humor cracks me up EVERY time.

Nothing has made me laugh as hard as this.
I think I was crying I was laughing so hard the first time I saw it.

I'm sitting here laughing by myself at work right now.

(They seem to have cut some of them short though...I remember people running up on stage to be healed and farting with every step...oh well....still funny)

Brad's Update on Goliath

I know Goli will be fine.
Just like me.
I just worry about what he thinks.
Like we are gonna leave him there.
Not understanding whats going on,
And that he isnt a bad dog.

Bathroom Stories

I go to the bathroom at work this morning.
Someone comes in after me.
Flushes as soon as she gets in.....must be the type to like a fresh bowl
Pees for 5 to 7 seconds and then immediately flushes again....must be a quick wiper!
Nope.
Plops a little....flushes
Plops a little more...flushes again
I get out and wash my hands.
She is still in there, so she at least has another flush in her.

I tried to stay in as long as I could to find out who it was.
Either she has some obsessive compulsive disorder or she has a fear of the chance of splash back of her own stuff.

Website Weds

Squish terrorism
Emergency signs
Rainman game - Are you autistic?
Car parking game
Space runner game
Chasm (game)
Kraftwerk.com

Stayed up till 4 or 4:30...like I said earlier...doing nothing.

Weekend was good. Laid around mostly.
Watched movies, Brotherhood of the Wolf (very good), and Master of Disguise (mindless fluff), might watch Road to Perdition later today with Brad.

Here is the pic of the orchids I got from Brad's work.

Now that we got cable modem and another computer....we are so lame.
We have his and her computers.
And they are both so fast!!

We stay up late doing pretty much nothing:
-online chatting
-playing mah jong
-blogs
-emails

We just cant stop ourselves!!

Right now I am watching Master of Disguise, and chatting, and writing here.
I have my wet hair wrapped in a towel after my shower

I dont want to go to bed, I want to tippity tap all the time!!!

I think I am gonna stay up all night doing this lame stuff.
but now im hungry.....

First day back to work.
I forgot my laptop in the car....
CRAP!!
I still have an HP I can use to get to the servers at work.
And used a nearby NT to check my outlook email.
But not much else.

My hyacinth and grass was dead.
I forgot to ask Navin to water them for me.

Most of my group was an aisle over chatting.
So I went over and sat down and joined them.
No one left, they even acknowledged me!
WEEEeeeeeee!
I made eye contact with each of them and said something to just about each of them.
And they looked at me back and commented.
No funny faces.
No tension.
Very nice!
...but none of them wanted to touch my neck!!!

A local friend Richard called me to check in to see how things were going.
A guy from another group came over and gave me a welcome back hug. Very sweet.

I had lunch with Navin.
He asked me if the bank sent me any flowers.
No.
Later that day he sent me flowers!!!
They are gorgeous!
A small vase of sweetheart roses and lilies with a little teddy bear.

Im glad I am only working 2 days this week instead of diving back in to a full week.

Oh yeah....the doctor already called back today about my blood tests.
Calcium levels are fine...I can stop chewing Tums.
My thyroid level is somewhat low, so double the medication.
Everything else looked good.

Had my follow up Dr. appt today.
They took the steri-strips off.
In 2 weeks I go back to have a dr check my throat and voice, and in 2 months go back to do the radioactive iodine treatment to make sure they got it all out.
They took out all of my thyroid and 5 lymph nodes.
Did some blood work to check my calcium levels and the levels of the pills they put me on in my system. Said they will probably double the dosage but wait and see how the blood test comes back.

The cut itself...is very faint already. No big deal.
It just looks weird....as my neck drops down all of a sudden there is this hard ridge that sticks out. Thats where the slice is. Its hard and swollen, so it sticks out. He said vitamin E will help the scar but also with the swelling.

I like touching it. It feels weird.
Some spots have no feeling when I touch it. Spooky.
And the hardness feels weird.
You can almost pinch the little ridge on my neck.
I would take a pic to post...but I dont think it would show up very well. I am so pale...everything just washes out.
But its cool....trust me. :)


After the dr appt, I went over to pick up a friend downtown for lunch. He gave me a box of well over 100 CD's!! He's got so many he needed to get rid of some of them. It's like a fun treasure box! Rummaging through the box and seeing what is all in it!!
Wide range of stuff, including his very own CD he made of his stuff!!

We went to Hi Ricky. I had Pad Thai...ate it all! YUM! And had about 3 hot teas...
Went next door to Quimby's one of my favorite book stores.
It had been awhile since I hung out with him. He's goofy and always fun. Sometimes he has a real maniacal laugh.

Back to work tomorrow. Glad I am not going back to a full week, just a couple days...easing back into things.

Website Weds

Danish shoot 'em game
Beating bloody heart
Tron like game
Chemical education films
Tastes like cat
How to be a Cam Whore in 5 EASY STEPS!!!
Zit popping game
Disgusting memory game

I got my follow up Dr appt tomorrow at 10:10.
He is just gonna see how its healing tomorrow, I dont think much else.

I think I look like a pez dispenser. Slit across my throat, like you could just tilt my head back to get to the sugary candies inside.

Since I dont usually have much free time out, I'm gonna go pick a friend up after he gets out of his class and take him to go eat at Hi Ricky with me. And then I wanted to go next door and browse zines and books next door at Quimby's.

Dog Update

Took Goli back to vet today for x-rays to find some cancer.
He had a small freak out when the woman took his leash to take him back. So I went with him and promised him I would be back soon. I actually got in the cage first to get him in there....

They didn't find anything today.
Took several x-rays but no cancer that was obvious.
So they took another blood test to check his thyroid but they had to send it out to another lab, and we won't hear anything for another week.

So one possibility would be to remove at least one of his calcium glands to lower his calcium levels.

Also possible, he may have cancer and it just isnt obvious. If thats the case...he already checked the obvious spots and there isnt much we can do.

Another possibility...it could be his thyroid. They may look into taking it out or just putting him on some medication.

When I picked him up I asked the dr if there was anything to help give his kidneys a rest from constantly flushing the calcium. He gave us a bottle of Lasix to take twice a day. He said he still will pee a lot, so we wont see any changes in his behavior but it will still help his kidneys.

I am getting a lot of use of our new mop.

Brad's mom called tonight to see how he was doing. We started joking he was tired of me getting all the attention and wants people to start sending him cards and gifts too.

We are babying him. I know its frustrating for him to be peeing everywhere. To lose control of your own body like that.

So we now just have to wait a week to see what the thyroid tests show.

Now I am worried about my poor dog.
He is still decorating the house with his pee.
And has been drinking a lot of water.
I took him back to the vet for a blood test today.
They said its either cancer or his thyroid.
His calcium level was high.
So I am taking him back tomorrow for them to do some x-rays and find the cause of his high calcium levels.

I just hope its fixable.
I love my dog.
Its just so weird for him to have this problem right after I just did.....

My voice sounds like the guy doing the Double Dutch Bus song.
I was singing it in the shower tonight.

Since I am loosing my voice....Brad grabbed an old train whistle and tied it on a string around my neck.
One blow is no.
Two blows is yes.
Or I can just blow the whistle to bring him to me if I need anything.

The whistle says Good & Plenty Choo Choo Charlie.


(the one I have is the yellow one on the left)

I looked it up online and found the old jingle:

"Once upon a time there was an engineer
Choo Choo Charlie was his name, we hear.
He had an engine and he sure had fun
He used Good & Plenty candy to make his train run.
Charlie says "Love my Good & Plenty!"
Charlie says "Really rings my bell!"
Charlie says "Love my Good & Plenty!"
Don't know any other candy that I love so well!"

It's from 1960.
and here is Choo Choo Charlie




I really enjoy things like this.
I even found the old Frito Bandito song! :D

Brad & I are sitting side by side, surfing on different computers with an open and available phone line!!
WHO WOULDA THUNK?!?!?!

Voice is still bad, might just have gotten a cold....not sure.

Dropped Mom off at the airport this morning.
Really enjoyed having her around, keeping me company.

I got a card from Marsha, Ray, Hillary & Stephanie yesterday with a gift card for Bath & Body Works! Thanks guys! Perfect idea. I can buy some bubble bath or lotions with it to help me relax. Thanks so much.

Sunny sent me the fabulous Clinic CD. Even Mom was surprised she liked it. It's very mello in a Coldplay kinda way. I like it a lot. She also sent a Hello Kittie candy tin, and a Lindt chocolate bar. Last time I had Lindt chocolate was when Brad brought a box back from Switzerland for me. Its really good.

Brad & I are gonna return One Hour Photo and maybe pick up another movie tonight, and grab a bite to eat at Portillo's.
I just got out of a super long bath. Just soaked and read through magazines.

Sunny is coming for a visit beginning of April, and Beth will be visiting soon too. We just need to pick a date, probably mid-to-late April.

I've got a gorgeous picture of the orchids I got from Brad's work friends.
I will post it soon. Haven't been able to upload it since we are moving things around and got our new computer.
Also have a pic of this cute scented bear that Bev & Ted sent.
Smells wonderful.

Doing even better today.
It isnt "pain" anymore, just "uncomfortable".
Except I am loosing my voice today.
I need to shutup and quit talking so much.
I will give my mouth a rest tonight.

Mom & I picked up One Hour Photo for us to watch with Brad tonight.
Went to Portillo's for lunch.
Dropped off the bath mats at the laundromat.
And went to see Adaptation.
We loved it.
I cant even begin to try and explain the film.
But I really loved it.

Goli is fine.
They didnt find anything wrong with his pee-pee.

Yes I managed to collect it.
I went outside with him, holding onto his collar and putting a cool whip container under his crotch saying "potty" over and over again.

He looked at me like he was saying "I cant...its in the way". And tried to step away from it. But me repeating the trigger word over and over again finally kicked in and he had to release.
VICTORY!!
The vet gave us pills to tighten up his pee-pee. To see if it helps. They said he is healthy, so its either just a temporary thing and the pills will help and when we run out he will be fine or if he starts up again after we run out of the pills he will go on them more permanently.

I trimmed the top of the steri-strips off yesterday.
I think they were too tight.
When they put them on my head was tilted down and I think they got too much skin in there making it difficult to pull my head back.
It feels a bit better now.
I was able to sleep last night laying down.
I took 2 Tylenol PM's and 2 meletonins to knock me out.

Mom painted my toenails today while we watched Hitchcocks "Strangers On A Train" on TCM.

We are gonna shower up and go out for a bit.

Go out for brunch at Granny's Pancake House.
Pick up a few things at the grocery store.

and maybe then come back and take a nap.

The pain is much better today.
Im still sore, but its much better.

MOM IS HERE!!!
Brad picked her up from the airport.
Her flight was on time.
Right before they got here I got some flowers delivered from Sunny & Martin.
Yesterday I go flowers from Fred and Bev & Ted.




Here are some pics of bandaged up scar!



Brad is taking Goli to the vet right now. I actually managed to collect some pee from him!

I'm having trouble sleeping.
I'm gonna call the doctor this morning.
And try again for some pain killers.
I'm thinking about going downstairs and sleeping sitting up on the sofa or recliner.
Laying down is kinda rough.
And trying to get up and lift my head is worse!

The skin right underneath my incision is kinda on the warm side too.
So I'm gonna call him.

I had a gyno appt for Fri, I think I'm gonna reschedule it.
I just dont feel like driving all the way out there and dealing with that yet.

I hope my moms plane isnt late because of all the snow.

I had called the vet last night about Goliath.
He is peeing all over the place!!
Like some weird artist doing ornate designs all over the house.
Leaking as he walks around.
At first I thought he was just upset and could tell something was going on.
But he has been doing that for a few days now.
We let him out tons yesterday and he still decorated!!!
So I think something might be wrong with him.
He has an appt at 2:30.

I thought they would just do blood work.
But they asked me to get a urine sample.
I asked them how the hell I was supposed to do that.
And they told me to put him on a leash and guide him over some container.
I told them I thought I would give him stage fright.
They said they only need a tablespoons worth.
The dog is gonna think I've really lost it.......

Website Weds

Just kinda creepy lookin'
Put your ninja skills to the test!
Diving monkeys
Urinal Test
Wicky Woo (game)

Doing fine.
Just feel like someone punched me in the chest several times.

My thyroid is taken out, and part of a lymph node that looked bad too. They took out the stitches today and coated my neck with steri-strips.
It hurts to tun my head a bit, I keep wanted to move my upper body rather than just my neck.
It hurts to swallow and cough too.

The stuff they used to knock me out made me really sick.
Brad said my breath smelled like medicine. I could taste and smell the stuff seeping out of me up until late last night.
I puked a few times after the surgery and then slept a lot.
I felt sick when I got up to go to the bathroom but I just went back to bed and laid down until it passed.
Later last night I tried to drink some Sprite and puked and peed all over myself.
Projectile and all that fun stuff!

After that last mess I finally got some stuff for nausea.

No fun drugs for me either!! :( They said to take tylenol.
He will see me again next Weds, and in about a month from now to shoot me up with radioactive iodine. I guess the tyroid sucks up iodine, so they will give me some so then do an x-ray and see if they got all the thyroid out.

Im tired.
I was able to eat alittle this morning.
I showered my puky hair as soon as I got home.
That helped.

Mom will be here tomorrow to baby me.

Leaving for the hospital now.
Poor Brad...having to get up so early.
Im supposed to be there at 5:30.
So hopefully the surgery will get done early.
I'll be back home tomorrow.
I'm doing alright.
Brad had trouble sleeping.

You guys have been really great.
I truly love you.
Thinking about you guys gets me all weepy sometimes.
Sweet cards and phone calls.
People calling just to check up on me.
I LOVE YOU TOO!!!