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Chicago Sheri

Friday, June 27, 2003

I saw a girl the other day in a long skirt with slits up the sides wearing knee highs.
I thought about saying something to her, in case she wasn't aware that they were showing.
But then I didn't, maybe she did know, maybe she just wore them for walking to work...how could she not know? It was so obvious.
Odd.
She had sandals on, and it would be fine without them.

Today I saw another girl in a long skirt, with part of her skirt pinched up in the bottom of her panties that walked by me on the train. I wanted to just tug it out for her. Sooooooo badly!

When I am on the train I pick hairs and fuzz balls of people in front of me.
I can't help myself.
I want to tuck in their shirt tags too, but Brad usually grabs my reaching out arm and tells me not to.
It's hard not to.
I have to look away.

This is just so adorable.....but I love dogs

Faiths legs weren't fully developed so she learned to walk upright.


Story here

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Yesterday, I ate lunch at my desk so I could leave work a little early.
Brad had dinner ready for me when I got home.
Grilled eggplant in a marinara sauce.
YUM!! and healthy!!
The house looked even better than when I left in the morning.
He had done some straightening around.
I changed clothes, and we went to run some errands together.
We are gonna start packing my lunches for work, to save money, more healthy, and so I can eat at my desk more and leave early to get home and spend more time with my honey!

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Doing much better.
After spending time with Brad last night.
He still has his sense of humor, and like I said a really good severance package.
All those times I got fired or laid off, I was lucky to get 2 weeks. So he really isn't doing so bad.

I just missed him this morning.
I get up, I usually poke at him "Time to get up, time to get up"
So it's weird.
Not having him on the train with me, and he always carries my laptop for me.....THAT THING KILLS MY SHOULDER!!

But he is doing fine, at least for now he is.

11 years ago he got let go and became a slacker slug boy. Puttering around his nasty apartment and watching MASH and All In The Family episodes all day long. He is afraid of falling into that rut again and wants to keep busy and active.
I'll give him some time, and will push later about taking it easy for awhile. See how it goes.

Navin is such a sweetheart! Even though I totally brow beat him about him giving into his family and such...he brought me some cards and gifts this morning after reading what happened to Brad!!! That guy spoils me!
Oh yeah, and he told me switching over my benefits should be no prob.

Website Weds

Soapbox
Kill evil Care Bears game
Online rubiks cube
Mikkomikkomass and the purple eggplants
JPEG baby

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Brad lost his job today.
He got a call to come to HR, and saw it coming and called me before he went.
He got a great package. Thats good.
But I still just got really pissed.
I know its all fair business and life.
But it still pisses me off.

I've been fired, and downsized several times now, and each time majorly sucked ass. I got emotional everytime. Its a real tough blow to the ego.
And having to look for a job and interviewing again is rough too.

I just feel so mad that he has to go through that.
I'd rather it be me than him.
I've had to do it so many times now I wish I could spare him from it.

He called me from the train station on his way home and when he got home.
He sounded good, somewhat upbeat.
But the big lug is probably laying it on thick like that so I dont get all upset like I do.

I want him to not rush things, take time for himself and do stuff he didn't have time for before. Visit family, his sisters new house. Go visit a friend of ours, Tom, that owns a farm and hang out on the farm for a couple of days, go to the museums we havent been to, like the science museum and Shedd aquarium.

I have to look into switching our benefits over to mine, we were both on his. I even started browsing jobs and emailing him some of them.

This is good news for Goliath though. Goli and his guy get to spend more time together. More attention and outside time. Maybe they will take naps and go swimming together.

It's just gonna be weird.
For 2 1/2 years Brad and I drive to the train station, ride the train to work, have lunch together and then take the train home to our car and the rest of the way home.
That's a lot of together time.
Too much for some people, but its been our routine for over 2 years now.

He's called me several times this afternoon, I am starting to do better.
I hope he isnt just putting on a front for me though.

Monday, June 23, 2003

My cousin Lesa and her family are at the Disney in Florida and sent mom this pic today of them from the Epcot Center.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

We bought a kiddie pool at Target for $15.


Great weekend. Yesterday laid on my hammock, read about 100 pages of Harry Potter. Then took a nap in the hammock.
Had fresh corn, guacamole, bakes beans and a burger for dinner and watched Adaptation with Brad. He liked that movie a lot too.

Slept in this morning. Had a pb&j and me and Goli went out in the pool together.
We think its his instinct to swim no matter what.
But its too shallow to swim, so he swam one leg at a time, just kicking and splashing everywhere.
Couldnt stop walking around and kicking.
So sometimes I would grab him and hold him to make him stop for a few minutes to catch his breath and take a break.
Then Brad came out and joined us.
So we are all sitting in the kiddie pool in our backyard.
GOOD FUN!
Sun felt great on my pasty body!

Then I went and laid on the hammock to dry off in the sun.
We might go for a drive and run some errands now.
Just a great relaxing weekend.
Good smells in the air, fresh cut grass, people grilling.
Great sounds: ice cream trucks, lots of birds chirping, dogs enjoying the weather saying "hi"
Nice breeze, warm sun....ahhhhhhhh!

More of the swimming dog:




Saturday, June 21, 2003

Brad shaved my legs for me before I even got out of bed.
I love him doing that, especially in the ticklish spots.

I just got the new Harry Potter book from Amazon!
I sniffed it.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

As I waited for Brad in front of the Sears Tower for lunch, he swooped me up and gave me a great big kiss!!!
He makes me smile so much.
Went to Burrito Buggy, I had 2 tacos and he had a burrito, then we went to McDonalds for a couple of yogurt cones.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

I am doing a lot better tired-wise.
I'd say I'm about 75% - 80% back to normal.
My pace is faster, stop less and shorter if at all.
I've been busy at work this week.
So how are you guys doing?

Website Weds

Logic game
Poopie Pants
Just a cool website
Interactive maritime recovery game from the Montreal Museum of Archaeology and History.
Save Martha

Sunday, June 15, 2003

Did mostly nothing yesterday.
Time flew as I thought about doing.....something.

Today is gorgeous outside. Driving around running errands with our windows down, hair blowing in my face and playing our Control Machete cd. (Mexican rap I been totally diggin' lately). Blinding myself by reflecting the sun off my ultra white thighs.
I'm thinking about making some limeade and laying in the hammock.

The dog just ran in the office to check on me...big stupid smile on his face. I love that face.
Wide eyed, panting grin, tongue hanging out and nudging me for some lovin'.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

I'm doing a bit better this week.
Brad and I took Monday off, and I am glad we did.
I was so proud of myself for getting through the whole week last week, but I was a zombie by the end of the week.
It really wore me out.
The weekend wasn't enough, I needed that extra day.
I am able to walk a little further now, and my stops have gotten a little shorter.
Popping lots of calcium.

Website Weds

Gaytrix
Paint by numbers (Thanks Brad)
Eat bugs
Klaus Nomi tribute
Chopstick catcher
Gyroball
Fun!

Sunday, June 08, 2003

The grill wasn't workin tonight so we ate a bowl of guacamole and chips that Brad heated up for dinner. Damn it was good!
We both really enjoyed The Recruit too.

I also put my ant farm together.
I got it for Christmas but it was too cold to order my ants until now, they would have died freezing in my mailbox.
They came in these plastic test tubes.
So I put the little habitat thing together, and put them in.
Some were dead, most were still alive.
They scrambled around checking out the new place.
Later tonight when I looked, they were finding their way around and starting on some tunnels.

Saturday, June 07, 2003

So proud I got through my whole week of work!!
End of Fri I was a wilting flower.
Falling asleep on the train going home next to Brad.
We went to lay down when we got home.
Then we both passed out asleep for about 4 hours.
Brad got up at 1am, and I got up at 2am.
So we both were sitting in front of our computers with the dog laying between us.

We stayed up until about 3:30, then I washed my face, brushed my teeth and we went back to bed.
Got up at 9ish to let the dog out, and feed the fish. Decided to get going on some errands. We put Goli in his box since it seems he has forgotten how to hold in poop and pee at times. Picked up Goli some more pills from the vet, had breakfast at McDonalds, went to the video store, got The Recruit to watch.
Then we went to Meijer for groceries.
We decided we would do it together and I would just use one of their motorized carts, so we could take our time and stroll through.

This is the second time I used one. The first was after I had my gall bladder removed. I was a maniac on that thing running people over and nose diving into shelves. I did much better this time. The store was very busy, nice soothing music...nice area....no yelling people and children making me jumpy.
The first time I used it I felt I had no right, like you needed a permit to park in the handicap spots. But I thought about it this time, Meijer would want me to use their motorized cart...I am not some hooligan, and by using it I will stay in their store longer and buy more without my back or legs giving out and me having to go home.

I did run over Brad's little toe once....but it was an accident. Really.

We got lots of good stuff to cook up this weekend to make guacamole, baba ganoush, eggplant sandwiches, egg salad, tabouli, and jeruseluem salad. After being up for a few hours again, I was ready to go back to bed.

Took a nap for a couple of hours in bed, windows open, ceiling fan on, feeling a nice breeze....and now here I am.

Ready to think about dinner and watch The Recruit.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL LUNCH WITH Brad!!!

Its finally nice out!!
He picked up lunch, and brought me some Tums (calcium)
We sat outside.
Felt the sun on my head, and on my back and on my arms.
IT FELT WONDERFUL.
It's been so cold, and no sun lately.
I needed some.
Slight breeze.
I had an eggplant sandwich and we split some baba ganoush and jerusalem salad. Brad had a roast turkey sandwich.
I was giddy.
Laughing, pointing out hot chicks to Brad.
Touching and laughing.
Sitting in the sun.
Watching birds hop by, working the crowd.
Forgetting about work, any aches or pains.
Fresh air.
Then we went in the Tower and got some Starbucks.
Sat in there for awhile.
Brad picked up some coffee beans for home.
As we got up to leave...
Brad wadded up napkins and threw them up me yelling
"LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!"
Till I almost peed my pants.

I think Brad is on to something....I need to stop giving Goli treats everytime he goes to the bathroom outside.
I think he just gets me up, not because he has to go outside but because he wants a treat.
I am a such a sucker.

Yucky day yesterday and today...but feeling hopeful again at this moment.
My general Dr's office called me first thing this morning.
I LOVE THEM!!
They always make me feel so much better.
They reassure me with me even asking.
GOD I LOVE THAT!!

She told me not to push myself like I did on Tues, normally pushing yourself is a good thing but in my case it isn't. She said I have no thyroid and my calcium levels have totally collapsed along with it, which would explain the muscles cramping and not wanting to work.
She said to listen to my body, eat healthy, rest up, lay around if I want to....YAY!!!
And told me to take 1200mg of calcium with vitamin D twice a day and maybe even some tums in between for a few weeks until I feel better.

She knew all my symptoms without me telling her, described it perfectly.
Told me it will just take awhile to get both things built back up in my system, and this is totally normal.
I love having my expectations managed like this.

So I will sit 3 times on my way to the train station if I feel like it instead of pushing myself to go to only 1. I am seriously looking forward to crashing and staying home all weekend in my pj's.

too early in the morning delirious ramblings

i was so tired
i was giddy
i actually slept on the toilet at work
nodding off all day
cant wait to go home and go to bed
bed bed bed
Brad conked out before me
then i had "stuff to do"
or so i thought
let the dog out
got to bed by 9pm
still good
not as early as i was thinking
but still good
light sleep
not deep and exhausted like it should be
wake up to roll over too much
at 1am dreaming
dreaming of my moms house and my first dog
its 9 or 10 o'clock
but is it pm or am....
im not sure
but its dark
so why am i questioning it in my dream?
who knows...
its windy
i let him out
i hand feed him for some reason
then i wake up for real
have to pee and so does Goli
we go downstairs
i let him out
he pees
i pee
now im awake from bare feet on cold tile floor
go to computer
2am ready to go back to bed
dog is pushing me
acting like a pee monster again
go back downstairs
let him out again
give him another treat for doing it outside rather than in my house
its peanut butter jelly time for me
2:15
good sandwich
watching dog go downstairs
what is he doing
i wonder
but dont want to know so much as to go down and check
imagine him shitting on my floor
i could fall asleep at my desk earlier today
i am so pissed
i should be in a dead dead sleep!!!
DEAD I TELL YOU!!!
My alarm goes off in 3 1/2 hours.
im gonna try to go back to bed
yesterday sucked
it was a step backwards
i pushed myself too hard the day before...
feeling motivated by my good news
i thought pushing myself would help me get going
no
it just made me more tired
i called my general dr yesterday after work
he will call me today
i was hoping to be a little further along by now
gonna ask him if there is anything he can give me to help me function
im still having trouble walking
my calves give out right away
im pushing my legs out from under myself until my feet are just flopping along
flop flop flop
oh weekend...where art thou?

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Website Weds

Lightning bolt...lightning bolt!
Ping Pong
Sock chucks
Milk Run (game)
Interactive Penguins
Beach Lifesaver (game)
Damned Dollies
Star Wars Kid - Reloaded
Connect Four

Congratulations Brad on getting your MBA!

All A's too! ;)

I am so proud of you!

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

My gyn test came back, Dr. just called me.
ALL GOOD!!
No cancer, no cervical displasia.
Just abnormal cells that sometimes come and go.
So they want to keep an eye on me, meaning an appt every 4 months for a little while but thats it!
**WHEW!!**

I had a rough but good conversation with Brad at lunch.

It's tough to put it all into words.
But I felt he wasn't communicating enough with me and had trouble understanding where his head was at. I had trouble seeing how he felt about me. I wanted reassurance. I wanted to hear that he worries about me, feels protective of me, how much he loves me.
Not that he doesnt say those things.
But I think I just been off in my own head so much lately, and being selfish I couldnt see it.
I know he cares and loves me. But he doesnt get all upset and worried about me like other people do.

But the reason is...he does it for me.
He doesnt want to worry me, he wants me in a good state of mind.
It doesn't mean that he cares or loves me any less.
So he does things, to show me in actions his feelings for me.
And sometimes I can just be so self absorbed I don't always see it.
I see it individually, and I say thanks.
But I dont see it big picture wise....that he did it for me, to help out, that he does know how I am feeling and how run down I am.

I know my questioning this really hurt him, and was hard.
But it helped me understand where he was coming from, that he does think these things through, and how off into my own problems I failed to fully appreciate it.
I feel closer to him getting through these rough kinds of conversations.
They are hard. But when we both make the effort to talk these things through and pursue it instead of letting it just fester, it makes us so much closer.

Brad you are truly my best friend.
And I love you so much.
I hate having to say anything that ever hurts you and thank you so much for chugging through it with me.
Getting through rough spots like this, means so much to me.
It humbles me.
And brings us even closer.

I love you.

My friend, Richard's character Madge.


Click the pic to watch a parody of the Mac switch ad he does.

The character is an older Jewish woman obsessed with Ethel Merman.

Monday, June 02, 2003

The vet called today from the dogs last chemo appt on Tues.
He said his calcium levels are back to normal.
Meaning his cancer is in remission.
He wants to do more blood work in 2 weeks.

But now its just up to us to keeping him as happy and healthy as we can, and hope he stays this way for a long while.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

Slept A LOT.
Brad came home Friday night from work.
I was telling him I was really hungry and trying to figure out what we were gonna do. Then I told him I felt tired, so we were going to take a nap, and slept until about 1am I think. We both got up, had toast and cereal, then went back to bed. I got up about 10:30, he got up about 11:30.
We dropped my car off to get some work done, went to the grocery store and got brunch at Granny's.
Then I was tired again.
He went downstairs to watch TV and fell asleep on the sofa, and I went back to bed, and napped for about 2 hours. Woke up, he needed to do his homework still, and I had plans to go over to Josi's place in Pilsen.
So I went by myself.
WHOO-HOO...I managed to walk up the 3 flights of stairs without crawling on all 4's!!! I just had to sit down soon as I got up there....but still!
Ann aka Moxy Girl was there with her husb Tim (I think his name is...) and roommate Jason. I had corresponded a little with her through email when she had an online journal up awhile back ago.
I am so bad with names....so lets just say there were "people" there.

The food was wonderful. Josi made a lot of it. Enchiladas, mole sauce, fresh salsa, vegetable chili, cornbread, strawberry shortcake. It was very nice and laid back. A bunch of CD's on random, I went in and out of conversations, and would go back to the kitchen for more food! :)
And play with the kitties too.


I picked up the afghan Josi made me!!! I LOVE IT.. It's really heavy too!