My usual emotional rollercoaster.
Brad kinda had to pin me down last night, it helped.
Sat on the sofa, curled up on his lap.
I get so guarded, quiet, "I'm fine".
Last night was the first night in awhile where I slept all the way through.
Hot shower before bed, french-pressed decaf coffee while I sit wrapped in a towel on the edge of the tub.
Had mac & cheese for dinner, not as good as mom makes but still nice.
The sun is out today, no more rain.
Watching Barbara Stanwyck movies.
Starbucks group luncheon planned today.
VMA's on tonight, looking forward to watching OK Go on treadmills.
Gonna fix up some fried green tomatoes.

Yesterday we went to Brookfield Zoo

The local Ace Hardware store had a grand re-opening...for some reason.
Pony rides and petting zoo.

This was the protector goose of the ducks, they stuck by her side, and she distracted the kids by her size and threats of pecks. I love the little poof-ball headed duck.












Tonight we went over to a friend of Brad's from work.
I love this guy and his girlfriend, both a lot of fun to hang out with.
Lots of wine and beer drinking. Brad and I brought over a really great blue cheese spread with honey and pecans. Tom had all sorts of great food. Pickled blue gill (I was surprised how much I liked it), grilled shrimp, hamburgers, tomato & cucumber salad, baked beans, chips & salsa (homemade). They have a really neat place, lots of land with a lake. Very comfortable hangout.

Pics from today at the river

Pics from the beer party at Brad's boss's place








Kurt's daughter Lily fell asleep on Pete. When she laid on him he just wagged his tail, he loves his people.

Horseface gets kooky

Sites:

Lazydork has some moves
and raps

Frank Zappa on Crossfire in 1986 debating rock music censorship

Korean girl has seizure onstage as bandmates dance and sing around her

Doing better now, so I will post.
Saturday I was kind of a mess. Eyes leaking on and off all day.
Nothing is really that terrible, but I just felt overwhelmed with mental lists, and that chip just went to overload. One bad day, helped get it out of my system for the most part. I kicked it in and have been doing all the stuff I need to do for work and for myself.

I want to be more social, even though sometimes it's a real effort for me. I have been contacting neighborhood homeowners people and finding about local clubs and groups. Of course I just want to email them to get information but since this is truly a social thing I have been given their phone numbers and have been calling people. I want to know more local people, people to hang out with, get my mind off of things, hang out at their place, grill with them all that shit. So I called a person about joining a book club, another for bunco, another for a gourmet (eating) club and even talked to the president of the homeowners group about joining the membership stuff, getting involved in he meetings and random get togethers.

Tuesday, after Brad got off work, we went to his boss's place for a get together with other work people. One guy brought his stuff and brewed beer, we had some beer tastings, and ate brats, cabbage and other german food to go with the beer. Of course I had the most fun with his boss's 2 little girls, WE HAVE THE SAME TASTE IN SHOES!! :) And of course Pete the Dog was there.

I am reading Horsemen of the Esophagus: Competitive Eating and the Big Fat American Dream - Jason Fagone. Shishie recommended it, she is reading it too.
Next in line to read is Twenty Questions - Alison Clement. I read her first book and really loved it.
She just started a blog, want to keep an eye out for any book tour info.

I have been looking for work as a full-time job.
Posted my resume on Dice & Monster, applied to jobs online. Talking with as many as 10 recruiters a day, and sometimes one might call me 10 times that day with more questions, bullet points and such. Then there are the back and forth emails with recruiters. I have currently about 10 leads. Some good, a few I think over my head. Most in the loop! (yay) Already have done a few phone screenings with different HR's, and getting tech interviews scheduled. I have been doing lots of study work. Studying up for interview questions, even for the dreaded "What motivates you?" "How do you handle stress" kind of questions, as well as the possible logical manhole kind of questions they may throw at me. Then I have been studying up on my unix, how to explain differences between things, and how which process is better than the other. Printing out all this for me to study. Printing out job descriptions, so I can hit all the needed bullet-points they are wanting covered. Turns out unix-wise there was a lot more I knew then I thought I did. A lot of software and tools I had actually used but just didn't know the name of, it was just something I pointed a clicked on and ran a few things on.

We have scheduled a family visit trip coming up. Spending a few days with Brad's family and then a few days with my family. Brad hasn't had any time off in awhile and really hasn't spent much time with family.

I was overwhelmed yesterday morning, head swimming with unix studies, things to research and my list of people to call, and recruiters. But by the afternoon I finally got a little breathing room to myself. Mowed the lawn and watered the flowers. Not tied to the phone or emails, and just being outside. That helped a lot. I was still exhausted, but less tense. Had therapy yesterday afternoon, told him about it all. He is such a sweet man. He was pissed when I told him about being let go again from another job and the situation. And then made me eat a blueberry bar with him.

Brad and I went out to dinner to Loco Burrito and then came home and watched Into The Arms of Strangers.

I am working on calling some of you back now. I need to call Helen, Jason and Brent. Brent you just have so much going on right now too, I felt even though I talked to you on the phone a couple of days ago I cut it short and need to talk to you a little longer. Helen and Jason left me sweet little phone messages, now that I have a little more breathing room from the phone after the non-stop calls with recruiters I think I can call and catch up.

Had a great visit from Shishaldin.
Wish she coulda stayed longer.

She came in Weds, came to my work.
Had Thai for lunch, then she napped while I finished up at work.
Went to Goodwill, got slurpees.
Home changed clothes, picked up Brad, went to Lou Malnatti's for dinner, then to Kohl's to look at running shoes for her.
Thursday she went into work with me and took the blue line to the loop for shopping.
Lunchtime she came back in, and we went to Denny's for lunch cause she loves Moons Over My Hammy. Went to Payless and next door to a Marshalls where she bought the best ever tie-dyed indian head bedazzly thing.



We sauntered and wasted time shopping and walking around cause we didn't have any plans until the Nice Bombs movie thing that night at 8pm at Music Box.

The movie place got totally packed.

After the movie walked down the street to Schuba's to see Bobby Conn. I had a few drinks, and am a total light-weight so I had a very good time. We sat in the back on top of some old stove thing, so we could see the stage.

Friday morning, got our Starbucks coffee, Einsteins bagels and went to the local river to stare at geese and ducks while we woke up.







Lunch at Panera and then took her to the airport.

She is so easy to hang out with and talk to.
I miss you already Shishie!

Got let go from this job too.
On Thursday, 'round 11ish.
Ann, the person who was the lead of the group pulled me into a conference room to tell me.
"I think you know what this is about"
"No, I don't"
She hesitated a bit more, then told me today would be my last day there.
I asked if it was a performance issue, and she reassured me it wasn't. It was just a money issue having to do with the re-orgs and layoffs they are going through. They are not hiring anyone else, they are not looking for another consultant, it will just go back to the two of them, she had just found out from our boss that morning and he told her to tell me since he doesn't really know me and she does, and because he hates conflict and avoids it with a passion. So he made her do it. I felt bad for her, she seemed really uncomfortable, so I kept my shit together. I felt a little teary at one point but just kept talking my way through it until it passed. I asked her for a letter of recommendation and she said she would write one for me.
She said she really liked me and that's why they hired me, I was trainable and likable.

Leaving is awkward.
I didn't want to go get a box and make a big production of it. So I made three trips of as much as I could carry out to my car. The first trip was books, another guy kinda in my group was looking at me funny, I wasn't sure if he knew or not and he just said "hey" so I said "hey" back and kept walking it out. Then on another trip with my hands full I saw the boss that told Ann to let me go, he could have held the door open for me with my hands full, but he just looked uncomfortable and darted around the corner to his office without saying anything to me. Asshole.

The DBA's that sat behind were looking over at me while I was packing up my desk but no one said anything. Leaving is an awkward thing for everyone, the person leaving and the people that sit around them. I didn't want to say "Well...this is it I'm leaving" "Going now" and force awkward conversation on people that maybe didn't want it. So I just left without saying anything to anybody. Left all my work stuff at my desk, pager, badge, parking sticker, laptop etc.

The recruiters I worked for had no idea until I told them. I already updated my resume, posted it out on DICE and Monster, posted to a few jobs on both, emailed at least 20 recruiters I had talked to from before letting them know I was on the market again and sent them my updated resume. Even contacted unemployment. Already talked to a few recruiters on the phone and in email about jobs that were too far away for me.

I will post later today about the Shishaldin visit, which was nothing but wonderful, I'm glad she was here for me. Have a few pictures to post too.

SHISHALDIN IS HERE!
I am so stupid happy she is here!

I met her at the blue line stop, brought her back to my office so she could drop off her stuff and we could go get a bite to eat.
She gave me shoes...that match my toenail polish perfectly.
I introduced her to the people I work with.

But back to Shishaldin! I'm happy she is here!
We are going Goodwill shopping tonight, and spend time in the local downtown area.
Tomorrow we are going to Music Box Theater to see Nice Bombs and then down the street from that to Schuba's to see Bobbie Conn.

Sites:

Peter: A 78 year old man making videos of himself telling his life story

Metallica Lullabies

DJ Keltech - Strike Back

Attack of the caterpillars


We Are The Web
featuring:
Leslie Hall,
Tron Guy,
and Peter Pan

Check out: The Cause, The Video and THE CELEBRITIES!!

Locked my keys in my car this morning at Starbucks. Took 3 hours before someone from AAA showed up to unlock it.
I was so aggravated, yes I am the idiot that locked my keys in my car, but I was told it would be an hour or less to resolve. The Starbucks I go to is at a hotel, so while I am sitting there scowling manager and bellboys keep stopping to chit chat with me and offer me a coffee when I already had a coffee and getting the coffee is what got me locked out in the first place. I don't want another coffee and I don't want to chit chat. I want in my car.

So then I go sit out on the hood of my car waiting.
Get the stupid White Snake song in my head "Still of the Night", cause I keep getting Tawny Kitaen visuals as I sit on the hood of my car, like I am supposed to be rolling around on top of it.

Then had a few other things to straighten out when I finally got into work.
Now that I am here everyone is leaving anyway (summer hours)
I think a grilled cheese from Camille's sounds good right now.
Gonna go get it, then sit in the quiet office and hope I dont get paged for anything.
I'm on call this weekend and have about 3 different things I am scheduled to do this weekend, hopefully it will go smoothly.

Pete the dog will be there for entertainment and kissy breaks, and Brad is making Chili con queso tonight for us to pick on. After a little quiet time my crabbiness will fade.....

My fake hair

We got Pete back earlier this week, he is staying wit us until middle of next week while his people take a vacation.

Shishie is coming for a visit! I'm really excited!
She comes in for a few days next week and is staying with us.
We are going to the Nice Bombs premiere at Music Box next Thursday and then to the after party at Schubas (Bobby Conn is playing)

Yesterday a guy in my group was eating fried chicken for lunch and I kept imagining it running around smoking with a chipmunk head on it. It was a bit distracting...

I am wearing fake hair to work today.

Watching the Yankee / White Sox game. Bottom of the 9th, Yanks ahead by one.
Go Bobby Jenks!

I cut my bangs recently and I think it makes me look like Prince Valiant.



or maybe a raven haired He-man (minus the bulk)



Maybe comicon is still on my brain...


Had a weird dream last night that keeps popping in my head about a chipmunk.
Saw a seared and smoking chipmunk run out of a hole. It had been smoke bombed and was too close when it went off. It looked like a small piece of fried chicken with a chipmunk head running around with a little chunk out of its butt, like it had scraped off.
He was still smoking!!

Brad was too tired to do the zoo, and couldn't decide if we wanted to go downtown to see the boats or not, and it was looking like rain.
So we headed to the local river to read the paper.
Went into Starbucks, saw Jack...it was nice to see him it's been awhile. Sat and caught up on local gossip, then got a bagel from Einsteins, and then to our covered bench by the lake to sit.

When we were almost to the bench saw a girl feeding some ducks, when she was done they came up to us to se if we had any food. Tried to eat my ring, were so close I could pet them and snatch them up AND I DID! Then headed to our bench and they followed, 3 of 'em waddling behind us.
So we pet them, let them peck at us, they stayed for awhile, and then Brad picked on of them up too. Then they got all nervous (as they should be) and waddled away.

Had my breakfast and read by the lake. Started drizzling, it was nice. A family sat on one of the open benches in our area, fairly quiet but had 2 kids. Kids were restless and running around a lot. Then started throwing rocks into the lake, which started attracting the ducks that thought it might be food. And the kids kept throwing rocks which really pissed us off, worried about the ducks. So I got up and then sat in Brad's lap on the bench, doing lots of close sexy looking talk between us and kissing, they were gone in no time! We need to use this trick more often!

Trader Joes on the way home, snacked at home, watched a little From Dusk till Dawn on the TV. Little nap, clean up time, and the gonna watch The Hills Have Eyes.

AND THE NEW FLAVA FLAV SHOW IS ON LATER TONIGHT!!!! YAYyyyyy!

Watched V for Vendetta last night (Friday)
Both liked it.

This morning (Saturday), got money, got breakfast and then drove out to Wizard's World previously known as Comicon.
Just when we started walking around saw a mini fight between the joker and a storm trooper. Trooper came after joker telling him what an asshole he was. I mean come on...he is the joker, he is supposed to be an asshole, I have no idea what he did to piss the loud mouth trooper off though. So then the trooper head butts joker (sans helmet) but it was a weak ass head butt...I think I coulda done better. Then is pretty much broke up before I was able to take advantage of the photo opportunity...sorry.

Usually there are porn chicks around. None this year. Think they are trying to make it more family friendly. No porn, but there were still a few girls under-dressed.

Captain America and Iron Man got into a ring, and did a fake fight, and then actually hugged at the end of the match.

Richard Kiel, the guy that played Jaws in the James Bond movies was there, so was one of the original munchkins from Wizard of Oz, the original Lois Lane (Noel Neill), and Lou Ferrigno the Incredible Hulk.

I bought some crayon drawings made by Art Baltazar

Then we went to Pollo Campero for lunch. Chicken, beans, tortillas, and plantains.

Then to a Fisher Nut thrift store for fresh peanut butter and a mixed bag of candy (cherry sours, raspberry and blackberry candies, and a few chocolate covered pretzels)

Stopped for groceries on the way home. Uploaded photos while Brad mowed the lawn. Then cleaned up and watch Mr & Mrs Smith.

Either going to Brookfield Zoo or going downtown for the tall ships thingy.